What About Dad? (PG-13)
March 30, 2010
What About Dad? (PG-13)
Unhappy and jaded teenager Stacy Fairchild (Ellen Page) decides to seek out her long-lost paternal father (Michael Keaton) despite her mother (Sigourney Weaver) and stepfather’s (Tom Skerritt) wishes.
Shockingly, Stacy discovers that her father has been in a mental institution for twenty years – something she was never told. Against her mother’s wishes, she decides to visit and meet him for the first time (includes very emotional reunion scene).
Much to Stacy’s surprise, the crazy father tells her that he was duped into the mental hospital by his conniving ex-wife (her mom) and her boyfriend (now her stepfather) – stealing his fortune in the process. He convinces her that he’s sane and she decides to help him sneak out to seek redemption and revenge.
Hilarity ensues when the dad turns out to be crazy as a loon.
Possible dialogue:
Crazy dad: Don’t you see? They stole my freedom, they stole my daughter… they stole… my… life!
Daughter: (in tears) OK, dad. I’m going to get you out of here.
Crazy dad: Just let me get my cape and my Barbies.
The First Mermaid (PG-13)
March 6, 2010
The First Mermaid (PG-13)
A victim of low self-esteem, Thandy Milson (Scarlett Johansson) is forever unhappy with her self-image. After several unsuccessful attempts at plastic surgery, she decides to replace her bottom half with that of a large tuna – thus becoming the first mermaid.
With her change, comes minor celebrity and fame. She appears on talk shows, reality TV, etc… Despite the attention, however, her self-esteem is no better and she begins to regret he mer-status.
One evening she is drugged and kidnapped by a billionaire Russian (Rick Moranis) with a penchant for collecting rare beasts. She is deposited in a specially built tank in the Russian’s mansion. When she awakes, she discovers she’s not the only captive in the Russian’s animal ‘harem’ and befriends other exotic creatures.
The captives are all eventually informed that they are to be part of a massive feast, hosted by the Russian billionaire. So they must work together and combine forces to plot their escape (ultimately she learns that self-confidence doesn’t come from having a nice tuna butt, etc…)
Possible dialogue:
Mermaid: “Slap him now beaverman!”
First Doggy (G)
March 1, 2010
First Doggy (G)
U.S President (Tim Allen) is on a top secret stopover trip to North Korea to hopefully sign a peace treaty with Kim Jong-il (Bob Hoskins).
While there, his beloved talking dog ‘Boner’ (voiced by Tom Skerritt) gets lost on the streets of Pyongyang.
The Chief of Staff (Martin Short) is instantly appointed as dogcatcher-in-chief, and given 24 hours to find the missing dog while the anxious President continues with the summit.
Luckily, Boner meets ‘Elderflower’ (voiced by Sophia Loren) a tough streetwalking Siamese cat, who takes the innocent American under her wing.
Together they attempt to avoid danger (including hungry locals) and make it back to Air Force One, before it has to take off with or without them.
Maybe along the way they can succeed where the humans have failed and somehow bring their two great nations closer together?
(*a lot closer if Boner has his way!)
Homeland (G)
February 22, 2010
Blind Gulf war veteran, now head of American Homeland Security, Col. Bobcat Poindexter (Kevin Costner) has only one friend, his guide dog and constant companion: a Chocolate Lab named ‘Dubois’.
Col. Bobcat is conducting an investigation to find the mole in his department. The prime suspect being new recruit Hamid Fargi (Omid Djalili), an Iranian exile recently granted U.S. citizenship.
But in a shock twist the traitor turns out to be Dubois, who has been secretly working for the Canadians all along (insert scene of a clearly confused dog being confronted with photographs of him having dinner with Michael Bublé).
Dubois is sentenced to death by firing squad/gas but he escapes by holding his breath and playing dead.
& so begins the biggest dog hunt in history. Dubois heads for the border, pursued by Bobcat and his new guide, the Iranian exile Hamid. (Just maybe, along the way, they’ll begin to form a grudging respect for each other?)
As thousands of Canucks line the border waiting to give Dubois a hero’s welcome, the fear is that the situation could spiral out of control and even lead to war…
Sack Race (NC-17)
February 11, 2010
Sack Race (NC-17)
High flying Chicago banker Richard Cokington (Ben Affleck) is troubled by the recurring nightmare of a childhood picnic that descends into terror as he is chased through a sunny meadow (in slow motion) by a hook-handed midget in calipers (Kenny Baker).
His psychiatrist recommends a drive up to the North Woods with his banking buddies Scotty Skaggs (Ewan McGregor) and Lil’ Tommy Tomms (Christian Bale) for a relaxing camping trip.
In the woods, they come upon a nature loving pygmy (Kenny Baker) who warns them not to disrespect the environment. However, they fail to heed his advice and later that night, fueled by arrogance and cocaine, the bankers gatecrash the pygmy’s cottage during a family birthday party and ransack his home.
The pygmy family is furious and determined to gain their revenge. The following morning, the bankers wake up in their tent to find that they have been sewn up in their sleeping bags by the pygmies and must now battle man and nature in a race for their lives.
Possible dialogue:
Scotty Skaggs: “Gimme a piece of your frickin’ cake, you wee bastard!”
Dick
