The Last Homo (PG-13)
June 29, 2010
The Last Homo (PG-13)
Europe: about 25,000 BC. The war between modern humans (Homo Sapiens) & Neanderthals (Homo Californicacious) is drawing to a close. The primitive Neanderthals, have been all but wiped out, by the more advanced invaders from Africa. Only a single Neanderthal remains: Ugg (Arnold Schwarzenegger).
Ugg is determined not to go quietly and mounts a one-man guerrilla war against the humans. During one particularly successful raid against the human camp, Ugg kidnaps the leader’s mate (Halle Berry). The human leader (Wesley Snipes) is furious and orders his men to hunt down and kill the savage before he can mate with his woman.
Will brute force & primitive weapons prevail against brains, long enough for Ugg to pass on his genes? Or is Ugg (& his entire species) facing extinction?
* the opening battle scene will feature the acting debut of World Cup star Carlos Tevez, seen here with his mother:
The Papacy Conspiracy (PG-13)
June 10, 2010
The Papacy Conspiracy (PG-13)
Tagline: Mother of God!
The Vatican is hiding a secret: The pope is pregnant!
After the mysterious death of Benedict XVI, a woman is surprisingly chosen as the new pope (The 266th, & according to ancient prophecy, the last!)
Pope Fatima the 1st (C.C.H. Pounder) is soon complaining of stomach pains and a mysterious morning sickness. She consults Vatican doctors, only to be given the shocking (& miraculous) news that she is going to have a baby! The Vatican keeps the news a secret, until they decide what to do.
However, one man: professional online gamer and amateur sleuth, ‘Pooter Hackman’ (Nicolas Cage), stumbles across the secret, after accidentally gaining access to secret Vatican files.
The security breach is discovered, so a Vatican insider: Archbishop Barzini (Tom Sizemore) is dispatched to track down and silence Pooter (the Archbishop is given special dispensation to break any, or all of the Ten Commandments, for the greater good).
Will Pooter survive long enough to reveal the shocking truth to the world? & what will become of Fatima & her soon to be born child!?
MedStu Cop (PG-13)
May 21, 2010
(Apologies for the slow output of late… we’ll pick it up soon)
MedStu Cop (PG-13)
A series of unexplained deaths hits the patients of Mount Zion Hospital. The only link is that shortly before each death, the hospital cat ‘Strokes’ chose to sit on the sleeping victim’s bed.
The police suspect foul play and send in undercover cop Hope Goodwell (Academy Award winner: Sandra Bullock) to pose as a medical student, while searching for the truth.
And so begins a battle of wits between ambitious cop & killer kitty.
However, Hope soon discovers that ‘Strokes’ may be innocent, & the real killer may actually be her diagnostic teacher: unconventional, maverick, medical genius, Dr Chambers (Pierce Brosnan) A secret psychopath, who’s been bumping off some of his patients, for years!
And so begins another battle of wits, between student & master. Who will be the victor?
Note: The spectacular climax features a hair-raising gurney chase through the streets of San Francisco.
What About Dad? (PG-13)
March 30, 2010
What About Dad? (PG-13)
Unhappy and jaded teenager Stacy Fairchild (Ellen Page) decides to seek out her long-lost paternal father (Michael Keaton) despite her mother (Sigourney Weaver) and stepfather’s (Tom Skerritt) wishes.
Shockingly, Stacy discovers that her father has been in a mental institution for twenty years – something she was never told. Against her mother’s wishes, she decides to visit and meet him for the first time (includes very emotional reunion scene).
Much to Stacy’s surprise, the crazy father tells her that he was duped into the mental hospital by his conniving ex-wife (her mom) and her boyfriend (now her stepfather) – stealing his fortune in the process. He convinces her that he’s sane and she decides to help him sneak out to seek redemption and revenge.
Hilarity ensues when the dad turns out to be crazy as a loon.
Possible dialogue:
Crazy dad: Don’t you see? They stole my freedom, they stole my daughter… they stole… my… life!
Daughter: (in tears) OK, dad. I’m going to get you out of here.
Crazy dad: Just let me get my cape and my Barbies.
The First Mermaid (PG-13)
March 6, 2010
The First Mermaid (PG-13)
A victim of low self-esteem, Thandy Milson (Scarlett Johansson) is forever unhappy with her self-image. After several unsuccessful attempts at plastic surgery, she decides to replace her bottom half with that of a large tuna – thus becoming the first mermaid.
With her change, comes minor celebrity and fame. She appears on talk shows, reality TV, etc… Despite the attention, however, her self-esteem is no better and she begins to regret he mer-status.
One evening she is drugged and kidnapped by a billionaire Russian (Rick Moranis) with a penchant for collecting rare beasts. She is deposited in a specially built tank in the Russian’s mansion. When she awakes, she discovers she’s not the only captive in the Russian’s animal ‘harem’ and befriends other exotic creatures.
The captives are all eventually informed that they are to be part of a massive feast, hosted by the Russian billionaire. So they must work together and combine forces to plot their escape (ultimately she learns that self-confidence doesn’t come from having a nice tuna butt, etc…)
Possible dialogue:
Mermaid: “Slap him now beaverman!”
