Failed Screenwriter’s Notebook

Back to Black (PG-13)

Distinguished Harvard Professor Sidney Potts (Danny Glover) is driving home to the suburbs, along with his equally distinguished wife (Oprah Winfrey), son (Tyler Perry) and his son’s partner (Jeremy Piven). Having just attended an award ceremony celebrating the achievements made by African-Americans over the past 30 years or so, they are all a little tipsy after enjoying a Champagne fuelled evening. On the radio, Sam Cooke is singing Change is Gonna Come.

Then disaster strikes. They take a wrong turn and find themselves lost in an inner-city ghetto. Suddenly, they crash into another car and both cars are wrecked. The Potts’ emerge unscathed. However, the four occupants of the other car (a pimp, a drug dealer and two prostitutes) are killed.

Fearing arrest or lynching by angry locals they decide that if they can make it back to ‘their world’, they know people who could “make this go away”. Realising that they wouldn’t last 5 minutes on these tough streets dressed as they are, they steal the clothes of the corpses and set out on foot (Cosby and Perry disguised as pimp and drug dealer, with Oprah and Piven as their bitches.)

Unfortunately, their only knowledge of how ghetto people act comes from half-remembered 70′s black-sploitation films. Piven’s character is the only one who has any idea how to ‘act black’, but it’s still gonna be a looooong night. Hilarity ensues.

Possible dialogue:

Corrupt local cop (Joe Pesci): “Hey! Yous ******* must be new round here? Have you paid your taxes? No? OK, let me take a ride round the block with that cute little white chick and we’ll call it even.”