Failed Screenwriter’s Notebook

Speed Dial (PG-13)

Incomprehensible, Hollywood remake of the Japanese horror classic: Great Buddha! by Bestowing Most Favoured Friend Status on You, via Phone Function, I Condemn You to a Cruel Death (R).

An attractive blonde teen’s equally attractive teen friends are dying in mysterious and violent circumstances. First the Asian one… Then the black one… Even the disabled one…

With the help of hunky cop (David Caruso), the blonde discovers that they’re being killed in the order in which they’re placed on her speed dial.

Could the killer be teen ex-boyfriend (Matt LeBlanc) in a deranged attempt to regain the coveted No. 1 spot? Yes.

Look out for the lazy sequel ‘Speed-Dial 2: By The Numbers’