Failed Screenwriter’s Notebook

Posh & Spatts (G)

Jonathan Posh (Hugh Grant) is an English professional cricket player, who – having learnt of the fortunes to be made in America – decides to try his luck at professional baseball.

Ralph Spatts (Matthew McConaughey) is a career minor-league baseball player from Alabama, who is given the task of taking Posh under his wing. His job: to teach him how to shoot a gun, charm the ladies and hit a curve ball.

Generic culture clash shtick where the upper-class twit struggles with the tribulations of the South-Atlantic Professional Baseball League, and the ignorant Southerner learns to accept a foreigner.

Possible dialogue:

1)

Posh: How might I gain that woman’s affection?

Spatts: Show her your wad and meet her by the dumpster in 10.

Posh: I beg your pardon?

2)

Posh (puffing on a cheroot): Wouldn’t you just love to smash her back doors?

Spatts: Breakin’ n’ enerin’ is eeelegal in this county.

Posh (taking a slow, purposeful sip from a deep brandy glass): Quite…

 3)

Posh: Care for some spotted dick?

Spatts: (spews/chokes on his tobacco juice)