Failed Screenwriter’s Notebook

Eternal Fatnation (G)

Blubber McCheasley (Zac Efron) is an obese teenager who, because of his weight, is a social outcast amongst his high school peers. Depressed and lonely, Blubber decides to take control of his body image and begins a rigorous campaign to shed the fat.

Meanwhile as he starts to drop the pounds, a new ‘fat diet’ craze takes over the nation (“Haven’t you heard, fat is the new thin!”) Again, Blubber finds himself as an outsider at school, this time chided for his lack of girth.

Blubber, who has started to feel good about his new self, starts wearing an inflatable fat suit to fit in at school. Things begin to look up for Blubber and he soon hooks up with the hottest fatty in his class, China Tempton (Kristen Stewart).

Things take a turn for the worse when Blubber’s fat suit malfunctions at the prom (just when he’s presented with prom king award!) China leaves the dance in tears but whilst running off, her own secret fat suit malfunctions too.

When Blubber catches up to her, they’re left with their deflated fat suits, crying tears of joy in the rain as they no longer have to hide their secret from the world.

Possible dialogue:

Blubber (fighting back the tears): Those fat bastards can go f**k themselves.

China: Kiss me, you blubbering fool.