Failed Screenwriter’s Notebook

Spring Cleaning 4-in-1

It’s spring cleaning time here at failedscreenwriter.com.

For your perusal, a collection of some real duds that have been in development for far too long:

Here Come the Girls (R)

After a female politician is publicly humiliated during an election campaign in a male-dominated town in the Deep South, an angry lesbian couple (the shaved-headed kind) (Natalie Portman & Sandra Bullock) move down from New York to take matters into their own hands.

Day of the Badger (R)

After a government sponsored cull of the badger population, badger lover Jake Hinson (Kris Kristofferson) decides to avenge their murder by hunting the hunters one by one.

Polar Opposites (G)

Fluffy rom-com about two people (Sandra Bullock & Hugh Jackman) who suffer from manic depression. They meet each other while on a ‘manic high’ and have a ‘blast’. Hilarity ensues when they both drop into a deep and prolonged depression.

Silver Foxes (NC-17)

Three hardnosed ex-lady-cops (all with their own special individual skills) are forced out of retirement and work together when a maniac runs loose in their seniors’ compound stealing garden gnomes.

Starring Dame Judi Dench as Detective Ginny Swine, Sandra Bullock as Goldie Hollins, Sophia Loren as Siena Fonseca. 

Notes: To feature a groundbreaking love scene involving all three ladies and a frozen stick of butter.